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TBD Simulation League Team Profiles


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#1 R. Rich

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 08:45 AM

This will be where the information of the 24 teams in the sim league will be listed. Please inform me of any errors, omissions, or updates. Thanks.

#2 R. Rich

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 08:46 AM

Erie Assassins Profile:

Owner/President: R. Rich
Executive Vice President/General Manager: Brandon Hunt

Head Coach: David Shaw
Offensive Coordinator: Noel Mazzone
Asst. Head Coach/Defensive Coordinator: Kirby Smart
Special Teams Coordinator: Mark Pike

Quarterbacks: James Harris
Running Backs: Roger Craig
Receivers: John Jefferson
Tight Ends: Mark Brammer
Offensive Line: Howard Ballard

Defensive Line: Steve McMichael
Linebackers: Mike Curtis
Defensive Backs: Donnie Shell

Kickers/Punters: Brad Daluiso

#3 R. Rich

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 08:47 AM

Texas Steers Profile:

Team Name: Texas Steers
Stadium: Alamodome (is it available? New Orleans played there last year). If not, then I'll take Reliant Stadium in Houston.

Also, the Texas Steers would also like to announce the surprise hiring of Todd Dodge as head coach. Dodge has been a legend in Texas High School football, where he went 77-1 and currently has a 40 game winning streak. After being hired last month as Offensive Coordinator at the University of North Texas, he was brought in for an interview with the Steers, who described him as a "better interviewer than even Gregg Williams." Dodge is expected to start hiring the rest of his staff shortly, with interviews starting today.

Head Coach: Todd Dodge
Offensive Coordinator: Gil Haskell
Defensive Coordinator: Dick LeBeau
Special Teams Coordinator: Bruce DeHaven
QBs Coach: Major Applewhite
RBs Coach: Terrell Davis
WRs Coach: James Lofton
OL Coach: Mac McWhorter
DL Coach: Richard Dent
LBs Coach: Jeff FitzGerald
Assistant Head Coach/DBs Coach: Duane Akina

#4 R. Rich

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 08:47 AM

Hoosier Daddy? Profile:

Team President/Owner: The Jokeman aka Brian D

GM: Bill Polian
Head Coach: Jim Mora Jr.
Offensive Coordinator: Steve Walsh
Defensive Coordinator: Rickey Jackson
Special Teams Coordinator: Joe Marciano

Quarterbacks/Assistant Head coach: Archie Manning
Running Backs: Marshall Faulk
Receivers: Quinn Early
Tight Ends: Hoby Brenner
Offensive Line: Irv Eatman

Defensive Line: Vic Fangio
Linebackers: Cornellius Bennett
Defensive Backs: Eric Allen

Kickers/Punters: Sean Landeta

#5 R. Rich

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 08:48 AM

St. Louis Drain Babies Profile:

Owner: "T" Strang aka Stl Bills
GM/President: Walt Jockety
Head Coach: Tony Dungy
Offensive Cor: Norm Chow
Defensive Cor.: Dick Butkis
Special Teams: Frank Beamer

Quarterback: Jim Kelly
Running Backs: Marcus Allen
Tight Ends: Gary Pinkle
Linebackers: Tom Jackson
Defensive Backs: Ronnie Lott
O-Line: Carl Mock
D-Line: Bruce Smith

Kickers/Punter: Morten Anderson
Attitude Coach: Bob Gibson
Quality Control: Albert Pujols (part time when he's not abusing baseballs)

#6 R. Rich

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 08:49 AM

Brooklyn Neckbreakers Profile:

I give you the Neckbreakers coaches and front office:
Owner/President: RuntheDamnBall
General Manager: Alex Van Pelt

Head Coach: Crispin Glover
Offensive Coordinator: Don Coryell
Defensive Coordinator: Eddie Robinson
Special Teams Coordinator: Desmond Howard

Quarterbacks: Warren Moon
Running Backs: Larry Kinnebrew
Receivers: James Lofton
Tight Ends: Kellen Winslow, Sr.
Offensive Line: Jim Ritcher
Offensive Quality Control: Butch Rolle

Defensive Line: Carl Eller
Linebackers: Chris Spielman
Defensive Backs: Jeff Burris
Defensive Quality Control: Henry Jones

Kickers/Punters: John Kidd

#7 R. Rich

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 08:50 AM

Colorado Outlaws Profile:

Team: Colorado Outlaws

Venue: Mile High Stadium

Owner/President: Captain Chester McGillicuddy aka "Ramius"
Executive Vice President/General Manager: Chris Newton

Head Coach: Mark Richt
Offensive Coordinator: Chris Chandler
Defensive Coordinator: Monte Kiffin
Special Teams Coordinator: Steve Tasker

Quarterbacks: Charlie Ward
Running Backs: Eddie George
Receivers: Cris Carter
Tight Ends: Ben Coates
Offensive Line: Dermontti Dawson
Offensive Quality Control: Don Beebe

Defensive Line: Phil Hansen
Linebackers: Kevin Steele
Defensive Backs: Steve Atwater
Defensive Quality Control: Sam Cowart

Kickers/Punters: Garo Yeppremian (he wanted to interview for the QB coach job, but got turned down)

#8 R. Rich

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 08:50 AM

Canned Heat Profile:

CANNED HEAT

Owner/President: Pete
Executive Vice President/General Manager: John Coltrane

Head Coach: Knute Rockne
Asst. Head Coach/Offensive Coordinator: Mahatma Gandhi
Defensive Coordinator: Buddy Ryan
Special Teams Coordinator: Carwell Gardner

Quarterbacks: Tommy Johnson
Running Backs: Son House
Receivers: Jerry Butler
Tight Ends: "Friggin" Lonnie Johnson
Offensive Line: Conrad Dobler

Defensive Line: Skip James
Linebackers: Shawn Merriman
Defensive Backs: Chuck Cecil

Kickers/Punters: Jennifer Jason Leigh

#9 R. Rich

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 08:51 AM

Los Alamos Lab Rats (Formerly Erie Slayers) Profile:

Owner/President: KGBPrime
Executive Vice President/General Manager: J. Robert Oppenheimer

Head Coach: Enrico Fermi
Asst. Head Coach/Offensive Coordinator: Niels Bohr
Defensive Coordinator: General Leslie Groves
Special Teams Coordinator: Hans Bethe
Quarterbacks: John Marley
Running Backs: Robert Serber
Receivers: John Van Vleck
Tight Ends: Ernest Lawrence
Offensive Line: Richard Feynman

Defensive Line: Isidore Rabi
Linebackers: Eric Jette
Defensive Backs: Emilio Segre

Kickers/Punters: Edwin McMillan
Trainer: Luis Alvarez

#10 R. Rich

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 08:51 AM

Hand Grenades Profile:

The Hand Grenades have decided to sober up for a few minutes to announce a few hirings of interest. Drinking will resume immediately following this announcement:
Owner: Me
President: Carmen Electra Jenny McCarthy
General Manager: Jenny McCarthy Scarlett Johanssen
Director of Football Operations: Scarlett Johanssen Mandy Moore
Director of Pro Scouting: Jessica Simpson
Director of College Scouting: Jessica Alba
*I will note here that this interview process for the above-referenced Front Office positions was strenuous and taxing. I feel I have made 5 good choices, but each new hiree is fully aware that she may be replaced at will if it is decided that she is not performing her job to my satisfaction.*
Head Coach: Lou Brown...the former Cleveland Indians' skipper from Major League has been lured out of retirement and will make his football debut because he is such a badass. Coincidentally, Vegas called to inform us that the odds of our team being in last place at the midway point in the season, but still winning the division have been placed at 1:1000.
Offensive Coordinator: Joe Montana
Defensive Coordinator: Lawrence Taylor
ST Coordinator: Bobby April...that's right, Buffalo, I'm stealing him.
Quarterbacks: Kevin McDougal...when we heard Charlie Ward had been hired by Homicidal Squirrels, the former ND QB jumped to the top of our list).
Running Backs: Demetrius "DH" Harris...the former 1st round pick of the Cougars on ESPN's Playmakers has been looking for work ever since the Taglibue's massive panty twist got the show cancelled.
Receivers: Rod Tidwell...we showed him the money, well a little bit.
Tight Ends: Pete Metzelaars
Offensive Line: Will Wolford
Offensive Quality Control: Jim Brown...all-around badass will hired on the condition that he wear his cool hat at all times.
Defensive Line: Deacon Jones
Linebackers: Damien Covington (RIP) Bobby Boucher
Defensive Backs: Mark Kelso's Giant Helmet
Defensive Quality Control: Terry Tate...the infamous "Office Linebacker" will be retained to crack some heads if the players get lazy.

#11 R. Rich

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 08:53 AM

Tempe Sand Devils Profile:

Stadium: Sun Devil Stadium

Team Name: Sand Devils

Team President/Owner: Mike Honcho
GM: Bill Polian
Head Coach: Jim Kelly
Offensive Coordinator: Charlie Weis
Defensive Coordinator: Lovie Smith
Special Teams Coordinator: Tony Romo

Quarterbacks Coach: Joe Montana
Running Backs Coach: Barry Sanders
Receivers Coach: Jerry Rice
Tight Ends Coach: John Amaechi
Offensive Line: Anthony Munoz

Defensive Line: Joe Greene
Linebackers: Lawrence Taylor
Defensive Backs: Deion Sanders

#12 R. Rich

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 08:53 AM

Edmonton BlueBalls Profile:

Team: Edmonton BlueBalls
Stadium: Commonwealth Stadium (Available?)

Head Coach: Gale Gilbert
Offensive Co-ordinator / QB's: Todd Collins
WR Coach: Bucky Brooks
OL Coach: Mike Pucillo

Defensive Co-ordinator / DL: Jim Jeffcoat
DB Coaches: Chris Watson / Ken Irvin
LB Coach: Kenyatta Wright

Special Teams: Jake Arians

#13 R. Rich

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 08:54 AM

Springfield Isotopes Profile:

Meet the organizational Staff of the Springfield Isotopes
Stadium: Ford Field

Owner/President: JimBob2232
General Manager: Bill Parcells

Head Coach: Bill Cowher
Offensive Coordinator: Mike Martz
Defensive Coordinator: Ted Cottrell
Special Teams Coordinator: Bruce DeHaven

Quarterbacks: Frank Reich
Running Backs: Marcus Allen
Receivers: Chris Carter
Tight Ends: Keith Jackson
Offensive Line: Bruce Matthews
Offensive Quality Control:

Defensive Line: Howie Long
Linebackers: Pepper Johnson
Defensive Backs: Jerry Gray
Defensive Quality Control: Greg Williams

Kickers/Punters: Steve Christie

#14 R. Rich

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 08:54 AM

West Virginia Rush Profile:

Owner/President/GM FutureBillsGM

Head Coach Dana Holgorsen
Offensive Coordinator Marc Bulger
QB Major Harris
RB Amos Zereoue
WR David Saunders
TE Rob Bennett
OL Rich Braham

Defensive Coordinator/ Assistant HC Darryl Talley
DL John Thornton
DB Aaron Beasley
LB Canute Curtis

ST Todd Sauerbrun

#15 R. Rich

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Posted 24 March 2008 - 11:08 AM

Seattle Syndicate:

Owner/President: Bill Gates (owner, The World, Inc)
Executive Vice President/General Manager: Howard Schultz(CEO, Starbucks)
Director of Personnel: Dennis Erickson

Head Coach: Jim Zorn
Offensive Coordinator: Curt Warner
Asst. Head Coach/Defensive Coordinator: Kenny Easley
Special Teams Coordinator: Norm Johnson

Quarterbacks: Kelly Stouffer
Running Backs: Chris Warren
Receivers: Brian Blades
Tight Ends: Ferrell Edmunds
Offensive Line: Edwin Bailey

Defensive Line: Cortez Kennedy
Linebackers: Joe Cain
Defensive Backs: Darryl Williams

Kickers/Punters: Effren Herrera

#16 R. Rich

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Posted 29 April 2008 - 09:56 AM

Oakland Chain Gang:

Owner/President: Gill Brandt
Executive Vice President/General Manager/Director of Personnel: Pat Kirwan

Head Coach: Tim Ryan
Offensive Coordinator/Quarterbacks: Norm Chow
Defensive Coordinator/Defensive Line: Ed Orgeron
Special Teams Coordinator: Tim McDonald


Running Backs: Marcus Allen
Receivers/Tight Ends: Keyshawn Johnson
Offensive Line: Tony Boselli


Linebackers: Chris Claiborne
Defensive Backs: Joey Browner

Kickers/Punters: Quinn Rodriguez

#17 R. Rich

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Posted 08 January 2009 - 12:20 PM

Green Bay Water Boys:

Owner/President: valle7878


Head Coach: Urban Meyer
Offensive Coordinator: Emmitt Smith
Defensive Coordinator: Buddy Ryan



Quarterbacks: Troy Aikman
Running Backs: Marcus Allen
Offensive Line: Anthony Munoz


Defensive Line: Reggie White
Linebackers: Shane Conlan
Defensive Backs: Deion Sanders